How is self-criticism helpful?
Many people hold (sometimes unconscious) beliefs that self-criticism is helpful. That it stops them being lazy and rude and motivates them to work harder and be better.
We may be so used to talking to ourselves in a critical or condescending way, that we barely notice we are doing it.
Our self-criticism may be our auto-pilot setting. (I know mine tends to show up when I’m about to do something new!)
But self-criticism has a darker edge.
Like a sculptor working on a block of marble, we chip away at ourselves, imagining that we reveal our inner masterpiece by Michelangelo.
But in reality we chip and chip until we are left with a pile of rubble.
When we are under stress, struggling, unsure or uncertain self-criticism is likely to show up.
What are the consequences of talking to ourselves this way?
Our confidence collapses, our anxiety increases, our productivity falls.
If you want to test how helpful your self-criticism really is, start by noticing how you are talking to yourself.
Notice what you are saying and how you are saying it (what is the tone of voice you are using).
Now imagine saying the same thing to a dear friend or young child.
Wow - what did you just notice?
How would your comments, judgements and tone of voice affect them?
What would the likely outcome be?
You can try this exercise on my "a little help from our friends" podcast episode
Self-reflection, honest appraisal and learning from our experiences are crucial skills for our growth and development.
Part of that is acknowledging our habits of self-criticism and their true impact…
What do you notice about your self-criticism (what does it say, and what is the tone of voice it uses)?
If you said the same thing to a dear friend, how would it affect them?
What would you say to your friend if they were in a similar situation?
What might the outcome be if you spoke to yourself this way?