Cultivating Empathy

We are often our own harshest critics…

If we spoke to our friends the way we spoke to ourselves, we wouldn’t have any.

It takes a lot of courage to be really aware of how we are doing - we may find unwanted thoughts or feelings. Things we aren’t proud of or that we would rather forget.

Mostly we want to push these thoughts and feelings away, and forget about them!

But this either means we get caught in a struggle where the unpleasant feelings keep coming back (sometimes at 3am!!), or we miss the opportunity to integrate our experience and learn as we move forward.

We find ourselves repeating the same patterns over and over again and our frustration grows.

When we are struggling, when we are stressed or overwhelmed we often reach for a big stick to beat ourselves with, rather than offering ourselves a supportive hand.

When we lack empathy for ourselves we are just digging ourselves further into the hole.

When we really see ourselves, our whole selves, the messy bits and unwanted pieces, we connect with our vulnerability, our fallibility, we begin to understand ourselves more deeply. It takes courage to look at ourselves honestly.

We can then open to the possibility of responding to ourselves with kindness and warmth. Imagine being your own best friend - The cool kind of friend who loves you fiercely and will also tell you straight when you need to pull your finger out and stop the excuses.

We can’t understand people anymore, why do they do the things they do?

We judge others, we get irritated by their shortcomings and idiosyncrasies, or we ‘other’ them, putting them in a different category - nothing to do with us. The world appears full of mean people doing bad things.

In this ‘age of outrage’, we experience increasing division and separation. We feel lonely and pessimistic.

When we connect with others and have compassion for them, we break down the barriers of division, distrust, and isolation.

We care about everyone else, until we don’t.

We help and offer and support and listen. We get a sense of belonging and achievement from being the one who’s so calm, and grounded when others are losing their heads.

The sane one, who others can turn to in a crisis.

But one day we realise that we are a dry husk of ourselves - we have become brittle and empty. Our care for others turns to irritability and resentment. We dread the next request for our time and energy.

We expect compassion just to be there (or find that it isn’t).

But compassion is a capacity that we can cultivate - we can practice the skills that help us reconnect with empathy for ourselves and others.

These important steps of awareness, understanding and empathy are the foundation from which we can consider what wise action to take. Action–this time–which includes the whole picture, so that solutions are broader, richer, more holistic and thorough.

Take 2 minutes to practice cultivating understanding and empathy:

Read more about the Fierce Compassion Process:

Therapists have used the power of compassion successfully for decades. Dr Mary has taken this researched based approach and transformed it for coaching leaders.

Book a connection call with Dr Mary to find out more about how to cultivate a whole-hearted life where we don’t feel cut off or disconnected from ourselves and others with Fierce Compassion leadership and transformation coaching.

Book a connection call